Dimaag ki Dahi - thoughts at 12 17 am

my life is going thru a totally confusing phase where everything seems so convoluted i cant make out head or tail of anything anymore. the more i think about things, the deeper i find myself in shit. my biggest enemy (my brain) has launched a massive assault on itself. if i have ever been on the verge of insanity earlier, i am a tad closer this time. and there is no running, no escape, no hiding from itself, only sporadic bursts of anger at a self inflicted nightmare which i know i have to live thru. while my mind is busy wrestling its own wretched thoughts from a thousand different angles with a million tentacles filled with blood thirsty fangs, it has the audacity to think in between if it happens to everybody. is everybody so damn f***ed up sometimes everything seems a waste. but as someone said somewhere else for something totally different in an entirely different context which i still find relevant enuff to quote here "in baaton mein kya rakha hai.....iska anjaam jo hota hai...wo dard hi deta hai dil ko". i am pissed off at the disability of the mind to concentrate on the f***ed up things and its wandering into such irrelevant thoughts. determined to take my mind off that horrific labyrinth of thoughts and its paraphernalia of gargantuan proportions, even if only for now cos i know i cant run away from it for ever, i decided to sit up and write. But i guess it ll have to wait till tomm....right now there are so many races for the mind to run ... and lose, so many dark corners to explore, another night to spend wondering WHY!!??. sorry Gattu, teri story kal subah likhoonga yaar...abhi dimaag ki dahi ho rahi hai